Saturday, October 25, 2008, 04:41 PM
Last week we explored precise, practical antidotes to the ‘fear virus’ (the next article/ see below) and examined how we positively contribute to the “interconnected mind” when we work with our own fears. This week we will explore how to work with the thoughts/images that grow and spread this virus.
Regula Schmidt from Munich, Germany writes:
“ Your writings are so helpful, Russell, I appreciate them very much. I am a psychotherapist in Germany and though I only attended one course with you two years ago the things I learned help me everyday. My problem is this, I am having a very hard time right now. Normally, I don’t feel so overwhelmed by my feelings and I can help my clients. Now I feel trapped. My emotions have taken control of my body, I am anxious and tense most of the time and I feel powerless. Please give me some help!
Regula, I can hear just how overwhelming your emotions, especially “angst”, seem right now and how unusual this sense of being trapped feels to you. Feeling powerless also seems very strong for you. Before I reflect on your request, I want to start by acknowledging that the unusual intensity that you are experiencing seems to be true for many people right now. It is not just a metaphor to say that we share “One Mind”- this field of consciousness- and that when people around us have strong feeling it becomes like a magnet that can pull on us. I say this to speak to the place inside that is surprised and perhaps confused by the intensity.
As you are reading I encourage you to include the sensations of sitting - your bottom on the seat, your feet on the floor. Sometimes a ‘sigh’ can allow some letting go in your body. Inviting the physical sensations into consciousness helps to ground the raging thoughts and feelings. Next, acknowledge the various feelings that are also alive in you. When the feelings are very strong, acknowledge them in a strong way as in- “the really, really tight band across my chest that feels connected to this anxious feeling, I know you are there”(please review the last article for more details on this practice).
Now, let’s explore our thought process and how it can function as an ally or enemy. All of our feelings are a combination of raw emotion and thinking.
The emotions are biological responses to life situations that our species has learned in the course of evolution. When functioning harmoniously, these bodily responses serve to get our attention and produce actions that allow us to deal effectively with the world. When helpful, these responses tend to be short-lived. For example, when you hear a strange sound while walking in the dark, the heightened muscular tone and acute attention ready you for action. The thoughts/images that arise can be helpful as you plan, strategize and gain perspective on the situation. If there was something dangerous in the dark, for instance, you could quickly decide what course of action to take. Often, however, the thoughts/images take on a life of their own which perpetuates the initial response “fight/flight/freeze reaction. In our example, it is not helpful if you keep imagining potential danger even after you have determined that the sound was harmless.
In our everyday life, we are usually not dealing with situations that demand such an immediate response, leaving the mind with a lot more time for generating thoughts and images about possible negative outcomes. “What if” is a familiar refrain during these challenging times. Sometimes these are called “the stories we tell ourselves”. How startling to discover that we often accept these thoughts/images as if they are true without really investigating them. Part of the power of our ‘old stories’ is that they become unquestionably true. This happens in our families, society, science, religion and, not surprisingly, in our own minds.
“What IF he/she leaves me, then I will: (be unhappy forever, never love again, die.…..), “What IF I lose my house/job then I am: (a failure, homeless, doomed to be unhappy…..), What IF she/he doesn’t return my call then I am: (worthless, unimportant to her, not good enough…...). The list of course is endless and the images that go with each thought can be totally compelling. Do we ever stop and ask the simple question: “do I absolutely know that this thought is true?” So simple, so powerful: Pause, breathe, sense the feeling, examine the thought and ask, “ Do I have clear evidence that this thought/image is the only possible interpretation of the situation”.
How empowering it is to discover that our thoughts are not true or untrue rather they are possible ways of ‘holding’ a situation. I find it much more helpful to think of thoughts as help/unhelpful rather than true/untrue. You can powerfully alter your experience by recognizing that the thought/image you are generating is ONE of MANY possible true “stories”. The facts are direct, simple and in a surprising way “always helpful”. As psychologist Carl Rogers said: “the facts are always friendly”. Note that “friendly” does not mean desirable, rather it means that life can unfold positively when we relate to the facts without getting hooked by our embellishing stories. For example, I have written before about Feldenkrais clients who after an accident or stroke find truly satisfying ways of being in their life situation, sometimes even more so than in their former life. The fact- “I had a car accident and can’t walk is distinct from the thought “ I will waste away in this chair and never be happy again”. The facts and the story are not at all the same!
So, once again, PAUSE and return to the simple, direct bodily sensations that are alive right now, include the sounds and sense of space around you. Acknowledge the feelings that are present, sense them in a bodily way and say: “yes, I know you are there”. Now, bring attention to the repetitive thoughts/images that are moving through your mind. As you notice one, ask a question something like: “do I know for sure that this thought is true?” Repeat the question and listen to yourself. Notice the change in your body as you acknowledge that you don’t know for sure that this thought is true.
Experiment with creating an alternative thought that seems equally or more true. Don’t believe this thought either; just get the clear experience that there are many possible “true” thoughts. Keep creating alternative ‘stories’ that seem just as possible as the original. Cultivate the mind that says: “maybe yes, maybe no, I don’t know”.
Who/what is this “I” that is asking the question? Bring your attention to the “One” who can stand back from the immediate experience. Who or what is it that can be completely free, even if just for a moment, from the situation? What is your bodily feel when you take this “backward step?” Learning to move your consciousness in this way is essential for awakening (more on this next week).
One last suggestion: the other day I sensed some inner pain/upset/stuckness about something in my life along with thoughts/images that were sustaining the experience. Remembering Gene Gendlin’s idea of letting your body go to “the way it will feel tomorrow or the next day when this is all resolved”, I felt an immediate and substantial relief. My body knew how to recall/recreate/enter that other way of being. One could also say: “go to the place where your body knows how you will feel when this situation is all resolved”. Let yourself have that feeling for a while. Give some time for your body to be with that “all ok” feeling. Such a life-giving reservoir is right there within you! We can learn to tap into this capacity by practicing it. Sometimes it is most helpful to step out of the thinking in this way and just let the body use this ability.
Let’s all do our best: everyone’s efforts help everyone else’s efforts! Next week, in the last of this series, we will further explore our interconnectedness as well as other sources of support that are available when dealing with challenging situations.
Saturday, October 18, 2008, 08:49 AM
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: print out this article for your review.
Mark was my first student today. Although the old, stabbing pain in his neck had returned with intensity over the last weeks, this was not his main concern. He was pacing around the room consumed by dreadful thoughts/images: “What if my company starts laying people off”? “What if I lose my house”? “I have already lost almost half my retirement fund, what if the market keeps collapsing? “What if………”?
He was followed by a succession of students, all consumed by fears. Each person had a very real, believable, authentic, life situation that seemed to justify the feeling. Repetitious thoughts/words/images would be accompanied by unpleasant, sometimes painful, bodily sensations: constricted backs, restricted breathing, grinding teeth, panic sensations throughout the chest, etc. My heart felt moved by each story and, of course, my own fears/concerns would come to the fore as I communed with each person. What is an “awakened/authentic/skillful” response to these conditions? What can we learn? What is our task here?
Fear pervades the airwaves these days. To be informed through the various media is to receive a dizzying cascade of horrific messages: “collapsed”, “ the worst since…”, “how will you survive”, “life savings lost”, etc. Those of us lucky enough to have “savings” or “investments” might feel deep loss, even impending doom. In addition, especially for people in the United States, the importance of the current election adds to this air of fear. For those of us ‘on the path of awakening’, these are exactly the conditions for which we have been preparing ourselves.
To be hopeful about the future, to display a sense of confidence in the unfolding of Life during this time is viewed either as a desperate act of denial or an elitist, “spiritual” point of view. Are there alternatives to the contagious anxiety permeating our collective Mind and a Pollyanna, “everything will be fine” point of view?
Based in Zen, “The Embodied Life” starts from the realistic perspective that “What is, IS”. This simplistic statement is truly profound when we deepen into its meaning/implications. Essentially it means that beyond our own preferences, desires, hopes, dreams we “bow” to our life as-it-is. “Bow” means a kind of radical acceptance in which we do not deny our reactions, feelings or preferences AND we navigate from the ground that this moment, just as it is, is workable. We don’t need to like ‘what is’ to work with it. We clearly differentiate this kind of acceptance from any sense of resignation or passivity.
How can we approach our lives when we feel overwhelmed by dread or fear? We need very practical and effective skills for recovering our Presence and capacity for living harmoniously.
The prescription is simple and absolutely effective when you take about one to five minutes, five times each day with it. Please do not let the simplicity stop you from actually doing this experiment:
1) PAUSING and SENSING- Stepping off the train of the thought
First, it is NOT helpful to try to talk oneself out of a feeling- nor to deny or judge what is occurring in your experience. Start with saying a brief “yes” to what is true. Second, it is helpful to invite a larger, physical container for the feeling.
a) Sense your body, take a deep breath and as you exhale let go of any superficial tensions. With your eyes closed, if comfortable, sense your connection with the ground. If sitting, sense the contact of your bottom with the seat, your feet with the floor, your back with the chair. If standing- get a clear, fresh feeling for your feet and legs. The GROUND sensations are a great ally in growing your container.
b) Sense THREE BREATHS from beginning to end. Especially pay attention to the end of your exhale. Let these three breaths become your whole world for those seconds.
3) Connect with the physical world around you. Still with eyes closed hear the sounds that are alive in your world without judging them or picking some over others. Sense the space that surrounds you, when you open your eyes notice the colors and shapes.
2) ACKNOWLEDGING
Now that the container of your physical body is more present, acknowledge and spend a few moments sensing into what is alive in your ‘feeling body’ (the places you tend to feel things, especially the belly and chest). One can say to the tight belly or pressured chest, “Yes, I know your there, I am with you”. This “I” that can sense “it” is an essential step in the process of living skillfully with difficult mind states (more on this next week).
As you do this, briefly recall in the background, the ground/breathing/hearing sensations from step 1. Invite any of the mental stories to come, sensing the bodily feel of each story. For example, say something like, “oh, yes, I sense this intense pressure in my shoulders connected to that thought about money, I know you are there”. Take a moment with the sensations, as well as the thoughts/images that are generating them, as if you are viewing them from a little distance. Feel the release that comes with simply acknowledging what is true in this way.
3) GRATITUDE
These basic capacities: to focus/shift your attention, to breathe without effort, to be supported by the earth, to see and hear, to be in touch with your inner life are all acknowledged with gratitude. You are alive- Being is alive-you notice how the next breath comes, how the next moment comes without any effort. Colors are alive, sounds are alive, and perhaps in a subtle way, you can appreciate all of this. Also, notice if you want to thank this remarkable, rare ability to be aware in this way.
Notice how you feel NOW.
Our minds are interconnected. Just as we share the same air, so do we share the same mind field- the field of consciousness. One of the great contributions you can make to the earth, to humanity and to Life is to ‘tend your garden.’ With kindness and warmth, use these skills to stop spreading this “fear virus”. Anytime you allow a fear-based moment to liberate itself, you are really helping. Also, any actions that you need to take on a practical, worldly level will be radically enhanced by the peace that comes from remembering.
The world needs your practice right now. Our deepest intention is to offer a positive contribution in challenging times. Do Your Best!
{The hardest part, for most people, is remembering to take the few minutes a day to shift consciousness in this way. I encourage you to write reminder notes and put them in various places, maybe just the word “pause” is enough! Also, after the first few times that you practice feel free to do any one of the three steps all by itself, this is often enough to make a real and significant shift.}
This is the first of three articles on this theme over the next weeks. Please share with your friends.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008, 11:09 AM
Do you know that feeling of being lost in mental chatter, going from one thought to another while revisiting unsatisfying, often negative, old stories? Sometimes conversations or situations will repeat and repeat- perhaps a way for what is alternately called the “substitute” self, “virtual” self or “false” self to reaffirm its shaky existence.
Most people can identify with the sense that their “mind has a mind of its own”. Many people feel relief when they realize that they are not alone in being so lost in their unconscious inner dialogue. There is an unspoken, collective embarrassment about this human habit. Some inner wisdom knows that this attachment to an “image of a ‘me’”’ is central to our dissatisfaction and angst. Dealing skillfully with this habit is central to our authenticity and connection to Being.
Riding the train of thought
Entranced within the cultural mind
A brakeless train hurtling down the mountain road
Momentum!
One thought into the next
How to return to………….
……..the living moment?
Our true livingness
Is connected to That ancient longing
Craving the One Taste of living
How do we stop this habit?
It begins with the Pause………
At root we are ‘one with life’, this is our nature and can never be otherwise. Just as your heart beats, cells metabolize, ears hear, tongue tastes the salt and the sour without any effort so does Life live itself through us from moment to moment. Please take a moment to experience this thought- “life is living itself through me right now”. Sitting here, writing this, noticing the contact and pressure as bottom meets cushion, birds chirping in the distance, breath going in and out, fingers moving, the seeking of words, a feeling of hopefulness with the intention to communicate, all of this is Life living itself at this moment. When awareness is functioning there is harmony- harmony between body and mind, between self and world, between what is often called the inner life and the outer life. When awareness is functioning “inner life” and “outer life” become “Life”, “one Life” or “one with Life”.
When lost in thought without awareness we lose this intimacy with life, this sense of at-one-ment. This separation is heartbreaking and is the essential cause of our anxiety, depression and suffering. When lost in the momentum of unconscious thought we identify with the ‘false self’- that image created by thought that we protect at all cost. How can we return to the Truth that is always right there before/within/surrounding our unconscious thinking/feeling patterns? We start with the radical act of pausing.
Pausing means to shift your attention to the living moment. Beginning with the physical sensations of weight, pressure and grounding then moving into contact with breathing, sounds and color is often the most tangible way of breaking the spell of the ‘substitute self’. From there we can use awareness to notice the thoughts, sensations and feelings that are alive in the moment. This kind of attention is central to the experience of embodied living.
Next we want to invite a relationship to these “selves” that is welcoming. Without energizing these “selves”, through judgment, fighting, identification or denial, we uncover a way of being present with the whole thing- a unique integration named by Eugene Gendlin ‘the felt sense’. When we hear terms like “false self”, “substitute self” or “mental chatter” it is tempting to approach these experiences with strong judgments. It is helpful to remember that as everything arises from Oneness and returns to Oneness there really are no enemies. Rather, there are skillful (freedom enhancing) and unskillful (pain enhancing) ways of being with the events that arise in the moment. Our work is to bring a gentle, kind attention to these phenomena.
All of “The Embodied Life” practices are dedicated to cultivating this kind of attention:
*Through mediation we cultivate the dual capacities of Awareness: being with “what is” while simultaneously witnessing the moment;
*Through conscious movement we cultivate the capacity for sensing our self as a totality;
*Through our inquiry/focusing practice we learn to be with feelings/situations in a bodily way.
Collectively these practices invite more and more moments of spontaneous awareness that we sometimes call Presence.
Some of us in America remember when cigarettes were advertised on television. There was a famous slogan for Salem cigarettes- “the pause that refreshes”. These menthol butts with their green packaging were always connected to the fresh, Cool of snow- a new day full of promise, of life, freshness and possibility.
How ironic that these advertisers were in touch with the deep craving for authentic living that is just under the skin of our cultural mind. And how accurate the intuition that satisfying that need begins with PAUSING? Some of us who stopped smoking can remember how difficult it was to give up that nicotine induced moment of reflective pausing- this was probably the hardest experience to replicate without cigarettes. People giving up alcohol and other addictions often speak of the same thing- the longing for that initial moment of freedom that comes in the form of the pause.
Returning to presence begins with the radical act of pausing. It is radical both personally and socially: personally because it means going through the temporary discomfort that arises as one returns to the living moment and socially because one is stepping out of the cultural trance. Is there a greater gift we can give to each other or to ourselves?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008, 12:45 PM
My dear friend Michael recently had a heart attack followed by complex, life-saving surgery. After listening to the deeply moving description of his journey, two very powerful statements by his cardiologist are still resonating in me: first, he looked Michael directly in the eyes and asserted, “you are going to be fine”, second he stated declaratively, “this is not your fault.
In reflecting on the learning implicit in “you are going to be fine”, it might be helpful to really ask yourself the question: “how would my life be different if I had absolute confidence, RIGHT NOW, that everything was going to be ok”? How much of the fear that lives in our hearts and minds is based in the uncertainty that things will work out in an acceptable way? I think of this at two distinct levels.
First level, most of the time we have a hope of things turning out in particular ways. It seems that one part of our mind creates pictures of desired outcomes, idealized futures. In itself this is not good or bad, in fact we can say that having an orientation, a target, a hope can be very helpful for moving our life forward, in positive directions. Trouble seems to arise when we become attached to these particular pictures and Life does what Life often does- it surprises us!
If our definition of “ok” means that we require life to adhere to our pictures, then we will definitely begin to suffer. This is a law; it is not at all personal. What if we can hold our specific picture more lightly, more flexibly and allow for the infinite creativity of our unfolding destiny to manifest? Looking through my history, I see so many times when the unexpected and unwanted turned into the absolutely right next learning. In fact, often the most disappointing events paved the way for a completely surprising, new possibility.
Second level, now we are living more lightly, more open to Life’s surprises yet we still have an underlying anxiety based on all the potential negative things that might come. So now we don’t demand that life be the way we want, we only ask that it not be the way we don’t want- as in “who wants a heart attack”? What if we “knew” that our capacity for living in harmony with life’s unfolding encompassed any situation? What if this realization even included our dying? As the great sage Ramana Maharshi said to his grief stricken students just before his death, “where can I possibly go”? What if we had that confidence in Life so that Life included life and death? Then within the very human reality of having preferences and even strong desires, one knew that, as a child of the universe, you were going to be fine!
“Health is measured not by the capacity to stay standing but by the ability to be knocked down and then return to standing”
Moshe Feldenkrais
When this realization comes we can now change “you will be fine” into “you are fine”. In this sense, “you are fine” is synonymous with “you are whole”, “you are in harmony” and even “all is one”. Please note this realization includes our sorrow, grief and the suffering of loss. There is room for everything in this generous spirit. This living in the impermanent world of heart attacks, strokes, car accidents, children dying before parents really puts these questions where they belong- in the center of our trembling hearts.
Perhaps our deep learning is to live wholeheartedly in the world of preferences, uncertainties and fears, recognizing our desires for certain outcomes, while holding all of this in a way that we can “bow to life just as it is”. For this is truly our divine and human task. How courageous, challenging, freeing and essential this is for all of us navigating this path of the awakening heart. As with any truly radical teaching, we can expect to learn through many, many mistakes!
“You are perfect as you are and there is always room for improvement”
Suzuki Roshi
Confusing Blame and Guilt with Responsibility
“It is not your fault” points toward an essential truth of the spiritual path: “no praise, no blame”. Think of how much life energy is wasted in the feeling of self-blame or blaming others for ‘what is’. What would happen to your life RIGHT NOW if the whole edifice of fault finding ended! Somewhere there is an unhelpful neurological wiring that says, “to make sure that we act responsibly, we must feel the knife of blame after enacting unskillful behaviors”. At a certain level of consciousness, it seems that ‘pointing the accusatory finger’ is necessary for recognizing the consequences of one’s behavior. Blame and guilt function to keep us in check so that we experience pain when we transgress our values or when suffering is the result of our action. Just as ‘an eye for an eye’ might be an appropriate constrainer of behavior at certain levels of consciousness, as soon as one learns more refined means of self-regulation than this law is transcended.
“Good and bad are only in your mind. So we should not say ‘this is good’ or ‘this is bad’. Instead of saying bad, you should say ‘not-to-do’”.
Suzuki Roshi
Is it possible that this ‘blame wiring’ loses its benefit once we reach a certain capacity for caring- once the heart opens? This means that we can feel the direct pain of our unskillful ness- the sorrow and regret that comes from a healthy conscience- yet be free from the now transcended habit of blaming. How much easier it is to feel authentic forgiveness for others and ourselves when we are truly responsible (able to respond). This requires a different kind of inner “law” one based on a deep dedication to Life and not on concepts of “good and bad”.
“To live outside the law you must be honest”
Bob Dylan
“It’s not your fault” frees us to go deeper into the actual causes of a situation- to see the threads that connect us to our history, to other people and eventually to all of Life. This, in turn, invites an insightful relationship with the action, its causes and its effects. From this basis true learning can occur and the karma (cause and effect) of the action is liberated. Recently, I was experiencing regret and pain for speaking to my daughter in a hurtful way. Following the threads of this moment showed me ways that I was repeating an unconscious behavior of my father. How wonderful to follow the pain to the source and allow it to be liberated. This kind of learning would be unlikely if I remained in the prison of self-blame.
Feel how challenging it would be to say to the child molester “it is not your fault and you are completely responsible for your actions”. One of the first lessons I learned as a young counselor in a drug rehabilitation center back in 1973 was that once you learn someone’s story, your heart opens and your judgments subside. Charlie was a child molester. He was a big, unsavory, somewhat smelly, irritating person. No body liked him and he was the target of abuse from the other residents. He was released into our care after 2 years in prison for selling marijuana. I remember the marathon group therapy session in which he told us of his other, more heinous crimes. Through sobs of guilt, Charlie proceeded to describe the kinds of pain and abuse he had experienced as a young boy from his father and uncles. In the end there was this tremendous moment in which the truth of “its not your fault and you are responsible for your actions” was obvious to all. What would it mean to have this heart-opening attitude toward the sources of all of our blaming?
So where does this leave us? Can we deeply allow, “you are perfect as you are and there is room for improvement”? You are really, really fine AND it is going to be fine AND it is not your fault. From this basis perhaps we can stop fighting our life and expend our energies in truly helpful, transformative and life giving ways. And as for Michael, this whole event has left him feeling blessed by the kindness of strangers and truly at home in himself and the universe. In a deep way he is very, very grateful for this ‘terrible’ event. How amazing it is that the worst, most feared events can transform our lives in such profound ways.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 11:32 AM
(Dedicated to all the suffering people, on each side in the Tibet and China conflict who are feeling the pain of confusion, desperation, hurt, shame and anger).
About six weeks ago, I had the extraordinary privilege of attending a series of talks given by the Dalai Lama in his adopted home of Dharamsala, India. How odd it was observing this man walking a few yards away, after so many years of seeing pictures and videos. Now, His Holiness was so close I could almost touch him. What an exemplary example for all of us of dedication to one’s path and one’s highest values amidst extraordinarily hard conditions over the past 60 years.
A particularly powerful talk was about a central teaching called Bodhichitta. Bodhi is translated as “awakened”, “awakening” or “enlightenment”; chitta as “heart/mind” (the usual translation of chitta as “mind” is often interpreted in the west too cerebrally as related only to thinking; rather mind includes feeling, thinking, perceiving, in fact all the ways that we ‘know’ things hence “heart/mind” conveys a more complete sense).
One could say that the whole path of Buddha’s teaching is toward this awakened and awakening heart/mind. It includes the vow to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all beings called the “Bodhisattva vow”. In taking up this vow, our intention is to approach life with an attitude of generosity, less focused on one’s self. Liberation from our ‘self-contraction’ i.e., our habitual self-obsession with “my” thoughts, “my” feelings, “my” life, “my” family, “my” country, “my” religion seems essential for both a happy life and perhaps even for our survival on this planet. With our current capacity for mass destruction, imagine what we might do to each other if our circle of caring is not widened to include all of life? From another point of view, attending to all the needs of the situation we are in as best we can, rather than just our own needs, is the arising of love within the human heart.
Does “self-obsession” seem too strong? Observe your thoughts for a few minutes and notice how much concern for the “I” and the “mine” appears. How embarrassing it can be to see who is the ‘star’ of our inner dramas. Said another way, as every kindergarten teacher will tell you, our problems arise from selfishness.
Importantly, there are two aspects to Bodhichitta- one is the awakened heart/mind and the second is the commitment to the path of the awakening heart/mind. We can say that our awakening is expressed through our caring actions in life. In other words, Bodhichitta is both the end point of the path- the awakened heart/mind- and the commitment to the path itself. In Zen, this is called “the Way-Seeking Mind”. As one great Zen master often said: “practice and realization are one”. To truly be on the path is simultaneously the fruition of the path.
How different this view is from our ordinary thinking in which the practices are seen as preparation for the realization that happens sometime in the future. Of course, this is the main point: there is no time in the future and we are never separate from our True Self. There is nothing more important than our commitment to this living moment, to show up for and to take care of the moment to the best of our ability. This “to the best of our ability” is very important because it means that we don’t need to be a different, more ideal self for this embracing of “what is”. In fact this embracing allows a real and profound unfolding to occur naturally.
Why is this so important? I used to think that after I became ‘awakened’ -envisioned as a static state of blissful clarity- then I could really contribute to the world. From this view, all my confusions, mistakes and foibles were the obstacles and my job was to become perfect. Naturally, this is a great set up for destructive self-judgment and shame. This expectation of perfection also becomes the basis for judgments of others. As soon as one sees that “our enlightenment requires our delusion”, that awakening is a flowering that arises from the darkness of our confusion, then EVERYTHING that comes to us in a given moment becomes the path. This is called being one with life. Note it is not a static state of bliss; sometimes it is very, very difficult, painful and impossible (in Zen we say “because it is impossible we do it”). This is where “vow” becomes so important. When lost in our personal ‘nigglies’, this vow can help to right the listing ship.
The Dalai Lama proceeded to offer us an initiation into Bodhichitta. What great good-fortune for all in attendance; this ceremony is still resonating in my heart. Describing it is difficult. Through chanting, repetitious tones and evocative words, something special was transmitted: mind to mind, heart to heart, body to body, spirit to spirit. I don’t understand it at all. Prior to this event I felt fully committed to the path of awakening. Yet, on this cold day in a temple in Dharamsala, surrounded by both western friends and maroon-robed Tibetan monks, I could feel a surprising, non-verbal deepening of my vow.
What is this vow? It is an intention toward welcoming all the beings, thoughts, sensations, feelings- the inner and outer circumstances that arise in any moment of experiencing. It is a willingness to work with these circumstances for the benefit of all life not just what “I” want (though that is not ignored either). This is the impossible path to which we dedicate ourselves “to the best of our ability”. And, surprisingly, this is how love manifests in our world. Ordinary Beings like you and me dedicating ourselves in imperfect ways to taking care of each other, the environment, “life” in its various forms. We can say that each moment itself is a living Being that is here for our care. Words like “benefiting all of life” seem daunting and rather far away. Let’s remember that it is in our little, everyday actions-allowing a pressured stranger to have our place in line, to pick up some misplaced litter- that we manifest this intention.
I am reminded of my wedding ceremony 24 years ago. My wife and I had been living together in a loving committed “marriage” for ten years when we had an official ceremony in which we formally exchanged vows. By all conventional standards- sexual monogamy, united finances, decisions made with mutual consultation- we were married. Yet, after we exchanged vows, how shocking it was to discover that there was another level of commitment deeper than my already “fully committed” stance. In consciously making this vow, surrounded by a loving community, something deeply resonated and I could say I was now more wholeheartedly committed. Something similar happened for me in Dharamsala, when the Dalai Lama offered us this Bodhichitta initiation. For this I am very grateful.
What does it mean to say we are committed to our path? When you and I, just regular people living our lives as well as we can, with all our confusions, hopes, hurts and mistakes make a vow to “Life”, “Love”, “God”, “Self-realization” etc., what is this? Where does this dedication come from? How do we keep returning to the path in times of sometimes desperate struggle, within ourselves, with other people and in a tumultuous world?
Suzuki Roshi said: “the most important thing is to find the most important thing”. In this very short life, full of difficulty, pain, disappointment, wonder, beauty, truth and love, is there anything more important than finding your direction, your calling, your path, your way of taking care of life and then with both integrity and humility simply doing your best?
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